For Sale

Monsanto Company

Monsanto Company desperately seeks buyer for dying life sciences business.

Selling Points

Prospects: Sinking Stock Price and Years of Heavy Financial Losses
Impending Major Lawsuits Related to NutraSweet and Biotechnology
Most Hated Company on Planet Earth
Few Major Products/Drugs in the Pipeline
Heavily Over-Inflated Stock Price
Nearly Every Product is Toxic

Ideal Buyer

Looking to Lose Large Sums of Money
Looking to Lose All of the Investors' Money
Needs Bad Publicity
Prefers Selling Toxic and Untested Products to Unsuspecting Customers

Help Us Locate a Buyer

Please ask the following individuals to return our phone calls and consider purchasing Monsanto's floundering business:

Daniel Vasella, MD, CEO, Novartis
Charles Holliday, CEO, DuPont Co.
William C. Steere, Jr., Chairman & CEO, Pfizer, Inc.
John R. Stafford, Chairman & CEO, American Home Products, Inc.